Seal Cultivation for Self-Improvement Chapter 28

Last updated on November 14, 2020

Right now, there was an utterly frightful fact in front of Yu Qiu, but he didn’t want to believe it.

He was still trying to convince himself: Isn’t it just breasts? Who was it who said that women must have breasts!

Yu Qiu trembled, and finally took both hands away from Xiao Chunmian’s chest. He nearly reached to touch him down below, but he stopped himself in time. He shouldn’t, shouldn’t touch down there, regardless of whether Xiao Chunmian was a man or a woman.

In the end, Yu Qiu cast his gaze on Xiao Chunmian’s neck, which had always been hidden behind the tightly wrapped collar. He stretched out his still shaking hands and carefully untied the neckline a little, and then a little more…

What a big Adam’s apple!

Ka-cha! Yu Qiu heard it crisply, as if something had cracked in his heart, completely breaking into garbage.

His whole skull seemed to have been firmly smashed with a hammer, and now it was buzzing so much that he just stood there frozen. For a long time, he didn’t move a bit, simply staring blankly. He stared at Xiao Chunmian’s bright and clean neckline and his flat chest, just looking at it foolishly.

It was not until Xiao Chunmian lightly groaned that he finally snapped out of it. Slowly opening his eyes, he met Yu Qiu’s gaze.

Yu Qiu was still muddle-headed.

Then Xiao Chunmian’s gaze moved down a little, and he saw Yu Qiu’s hands tightly pulling on his collar, as well as how a wide expanse of skin had been exposed because of his pulling. Well, what’s more was that Yu Qiu was also straddling his body.

Yu Qiu came back to his senses and quickly let go of Xiao Chunmian’s collar. He jumped up from Xiao Chunmian’s body and jumped far away. “I haven’t… I wasn’t… this is a misunderstanding!”

He was panicking so much as he explained for a while, but he didn’t even know what he was explaining.

Xiao Chunmian narrowed his eyes, lightly straightened his collar, then smiled like he didn’t care. “Of course I know that Xiao Qiu didn’t do it on purpose.”

Yu Qiu patted his chest and exhaled. But thinking about it again, what was he so nervous about ah? Since he already knew that this person before him was a man, how could he still be afraid of being misunderstood to be groping?

The person before him was a man…

Yu Qiu couldn’t help but remind himself again of this fact, and he cried without tears.

Xiao Chunmian looked at his weird expression. Although confused, he couldn’t figure out the reason for it. He could only think that Yu Qiu was still embarrassed, and so there was a little awkwardness. Xiao Chunmian smiled and didn’t care much.

“You’re not injured, are you?” asked Xiao Chunmian.

Yu Qiu shook his head absentmindedly.

Xiao Chunmian looked up at the sky. “It’s getting late.”

Yu Qiu nodded absentmindedly.

“We should make a fire. Let’s go pick up some firewood?”

Yu Qiu was still absentminded, neither shaking nor nodding his head.

Xiao Chunmian smiled and pinched his cheek gently. Then he got up, walked into the forest, and bent over to pick up some firewood.

Yu Qiu touched his cheek which had just been pinched. In the past, he would have thought that Xiao Chunmian was affectionate and sweet, but now he only felt sad and bitter.

Thanks to him, he thought that, after hundreds of years, the old tree had finally blossomed, and that he would experience that sweet first love… Did it all turn out to be a misunderstanding? He even mistook a genuine man for a girl, and wishfully1剃头挑子 – Literally, to shave one’s head and carry a child. Used to describe where one person is in love, while the other person is indifferent. Don’t ask me how that idiom came to be XD fell in love with this “girl.” He really didn’t know who to talk to.

His young love affair died in its sleep, and Yu Qiu wanted to die too.

After a long time, Xiao Chunmian had gathered enough wood and started making a fire. He looked up at Yu Qiu with a smile, “Xiao Qiu?”

If it was before, Xiao Chunmian looking back with his moist eyes would have made Yu Qiu think that his gaze was filled with deep emotion. Yu Qiu’s face would have warmed up from the ambiguity. But now, he could only tell himself that he was thinking too much.

Since Xiao Chunmian was a man, how could he look at another man so affectionately? Yu Qiu sighed secretly: I really don’t know what I was so crazy about before. His gaze was obviously only that of a man looking after the xiongdi he has a good relationship with. How could have I regarded this pure brotherhood as ambiguity between lovers? Really too shameful.

In Xiao Chunmian’s “pure” and “only looking at xiongdi” ambiguous gaze, Yu Qiu crawled over with a dispirited expression and silently sat beside him.

“Xiao Qiu?” Xiao Chunmian was still a little worried, “What happened?”

“It’s nothing, nothing happened at all!” Yu Qiu quickly shook his head.

He was still continuously consoling himself: Fortunately, it was only a crush, and I haven’t had time to confess. If not, it would have been really awkward.

Yu Qiu decided to set his mind right. From now on, he should forget those abnormal fantasies caused by the misunderstanding and go back on the right track in treating Xiao Chunmian as a xiongdi.

It’s just that, going back on the right track… is really difficult.

After a long time, Yu Qiu still hadn’t gotten over from the blow of having his heart broken.

His heart was broken, and every time he looked at Xiao Chunmian, it would break even more.

After all, it was his first love…

Yu Qiu gritted his teeth fiercely and found that he was still unwilling to accept the reality, and actually wanted to rescue this first love that seemed doomed to die.

So what if he had an Adam’s apple… No one set a rule that women should have breasts, so why should women also have no Adam’s apple? Maybe Xiao Chunmian just happened to be a very special woman!

“Chunmian…” Yu Qiu traced back in pain how he first misunderstood Xiao Chunmian to be a woman, trying to find a silver lining. “That day you left your house, I sneaked in and happened to see your mother there. She was shouting, ‘Daughter, how could you be so fierce? Why must you abandon me, your mother, and just leave like this’…”

Xiao Chunmian looked at him in surprise. “Yeah, you told me this before.”

“And the whole family’s attitude towards you wasn’t right.” Yu Qiu wiped his face. “So I guess you weren’t really the eldest son of your family, and you also admitted to this.”

“Yeah.” Xiao Chunmian stirred up the bonfire, the corners of his mouth drawing up in a bitter smile. “I’m just the son of a concubine… Don’t you already know that?”

Son of a concubine?

Yu Qiu’s brain blanked.

So not being the eldest son didn’t imply that he was a girl, but that he was actually the son of a concubine?2嫡长子 (dí zhǎng zǐ)- This might get a bit confusing, since Xiao Chunmian is still technically the eldest, regardless who his mother is… but the characters Yu Qiu and Xiao Chunmian had been using this whole time are 嫡长子 (dí zhǎng zǐ), which, aside from meaning “legitimate eldest son,” can also specifically refer to “being the eldest son of the first wife.”

YQ thought XCM was just saying “I’m not a dí zhǎng zǐ (regular eldest son),” but what XCM meant was more like, “I’m not the dí zhǎng zǐ (eldest son of the first wife).” In XCM’s case, his younger brother should be considered as the real dí zhǎng zǐ, since the latter is the first son born by the first wife of his father.

“My mother gave birth to a daughter at that time.” Xiao Chunmian thought that Yu Qiu suddenly wanted to talk to him, so he sighed and talked about his life in detail. “And it so happened that my father’s other concubine gave birth to me. In order to fight for my father’s favor, my mother exchanged her daughter for me and disguised me as her biological son. But later, my sister died in an accident, and my mother couldn’t stand the shock. From then on, she became crazy and often regarded me as her. Xiao Qiu, why do you suddenly want to talk about these things?”

Finally realizing the source of the misunderstanding, Yu Qiu held his head in pain.

And then he thought: No, it wasn’t just that.

The reason why he had always firmly believed that Xiao Chunmian was a girl was definitely not only because of his family’s attitude towards him. There was also a more profound reason. Like… if Xiao Chunmian wasn’t a real girl, then how could Yu Qiu easily fall in love with him?

Right, in the final analysis, the biggest reason why Yu Qiu had always firmly believed that Xiao Chunmian was a girl was all because he never thought he could fall in love with a man.

Yu Qiu took a deep breath as if grabbing the last straw.

Although he had developed emotions he shouldn’t have because he had misunderstood the other person’s gender, Xiao Chunmian knew from the start that Yu Qiu was a man. In that case, he shouldn’t have the same misunderstanding, right?

“Chunmian.” Yu Qiu finally went in front of Xiao Chunmian and fixed his eyes on him. He asked eagerly, “Tell me, how do you feel about me?”

Xiao Chunmian was startled, and then quickly moved his gaze away from Yu Qiu’s face. His cheeks were slightly red, and the whole person was blushing bashfully.

And Yu Qiu, who said one thing over there, had already slapped his forehead ruefully.

Actually, he also knew that the facts were already presented in front of him, and that he was just deceiving others and deceiving himself.

“Sorry… Chunmian, I shouldn’t have asked… Just act as if I didn’t say anything…”

It was better to admit that he had stupidly fallen in love with a man, then dig a grave at the bottom of his heart and bury this stupid feeling completely. Why did he have to repeatedly confirm it? Xiao Chunmian was a man. He shouldn’t have had the same stupid thoughts about him.

When all was said and done, this first love was dead. Even its remains were no longer.

Yu Qiu dejectedly stepped away from him, but Xiao Chunmian misunderstood the loss on his face.

Xiao Chunmian suddenly reached out and grabbed Yu Qiu’s hand.

Yu Qiu was surprised to find that Xiao Chunmian’s palm was all sweaty, and he looked abnormally nervous.

“Xiao Qiu.” Xiao Chunmian looked straight at the bonfire, his eyes hard to make out, “I still remember, when we were in Fang Beishan for more than two months, there was also such a fire…”

Yu Qiu nodded and tried to treat the two men’s tightly clasped hands as normal contact between two men, and reluctantly said with a smile, “You seemed to have something to tell me at that time. I had wanted to ask about it later, but then too many things happened and I forgot about it.”

Xiao Chunmian shook his head slightly, and his eyes reflected upon by the flames were particularly bright. “Not only did I want to say something, I also wanted to do something.”

Yu Qiu was taken aback. “What?”

“Want to know?” Xiao Chunmian raised his eyes, and the smile at the corner of his mouth made him kinda seductive.

Yu Qiu nearly lost his soul when he was hooked by this smile… But in the second before he could lose it, he vaguely noticed that things seemed to be straying from his imagination and were sliding in an irreversible direction.

Just before the alarm bells in Yu Qiu’s heart could ring, Xiao Chunmian had already gently lifted his jaw.

Yu Qiu’s eyes widened.

Xiao Chunmian’s beautiful face approached very quickly, and then moved away after a mere moment, leaving only a soft and moist touch on Yu Qiu’s lips.


Translator's Corner
Lizonka: Aiya… and so it begins y( ̄ー ̄)y
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Lizonka

Getting into Creative Writing for my college course was a pure accident, but thanks to that, I can excuse my excessive reading of danmei novels as "studying" ( •̀ ω •́ )✧

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