Chapter 4: Soft and Mean

T/N: When this chapter was first published, Qin Shaosheng’s name was written as Qin Shaocheng. But in this edited version, “cheng” is changed to “sheng.” The 晟 (sheng) in Shaosheng’s name is only written as “cheng” when used as as surname. BBTL used “cheng,” so I went along with it. But after having listened to the audio drama, I realized it should’ve been “sheng” all along.

THIS IS CHAPTER 4, not the beginning of the novel. Chapters 1-3 are translated by BBTL, and you can read it here.


In the bathroom, Qin Shaosheng lifted his wet forelocks, revealing his clean forehead. Hot water flowed down along his tight and powerful muscles. His desire had not completely subsided. So long as he closed his eyes, he could picture the body of Jiang Yishan and hear his moans.

Qin Shaosheng punched the wall remorsefully. 

After rinsing off, he pushed the door open. Jiang Yishan stood outside the door with only a thin shirt on. Qin Shaosheng’s face turned cold.

Jiang Yishan draped over his shoulders and said with a smile, “Can you hug me now?” 

Qin Shaosheng swatted away his hand.

“You’re still ignoring me?” Jiang Yishan’s face was sad. “What will it take for you to talk to me?”

Jiang Yishan couldn’t understand why Qin Shaosheng became like this. 

When he saw the hesitation and struggle in Qin Shaosheng’s eyes, he thought he had a chance. However, all his buttering up didn’t seem to yield even half the effect he wanted.

He missed Qin Shaosheng so much. He wanted to talk to him and hug him. Jiang Yishan’s heart hurt. In the past, Qin Shaosheng loved him very much.

He wanted to ask Qin Shaosheng. Did he not like it when Jiang Yishan took the initiative? Did he not like it anymore when he wore his shirt?

Why was Qin Shaosheng so cold?

But he couldn’t ask him these questions. At least, not now, when Qin Shaosheng was still angry. Seeing Qin Shaosheng leaving, Jiang Yishan couldn’t hold back any longer. “If you’re still angry with me, it’s okay to treat me as a stranger. But don’t treat me as an enemy, okay?”

Hearing his whispered voice, Qin Shaosheng’s jaw tensed. “What do you want?”

“I just want to see you and talk to you.”

“Then what? Ask for money? Or do you want me to intercede with the boss who offended you?”

“I don’t have such ideas.” Jiang Yishan frowned.

Qin Shaosheng said in annoyance, “Jiang Yishan, I told you four years ago that that was the last time.”

“I really don’t!”

Jiang Yishan was a bit anxious. He made a lot of mistakes in the past, and now he wished he could turn back the clock and set things right. He grabbed Qin Shaosheng’s arm: “I was wrong, I know this now. I really just want to see you. I miss you so much.”

“Miss me? Why didn’t you miss me in the last two years?”

“I…”

Qin Shaosheng turned to look at him. “If you weren’t desperate, would you have come back to me?”

Jiang Yishan was tongue-tied. Before, he had been so focused and becoming famous. And even though he had thought about it, he didn’t have the courage to come back. This time, because of the exposure of his sexual orientation, the collapse of his acting career, and the abandonment of people around him, he realized how important Qin Shaosheng was to him.

He felt guilty.

Even now, he didn’t dare apologize to Qin Shaosheng. He was afraid that when he said sorry, Qin Shaosheng would show a disgusted expression.

He wouldn’t be able to stand it.

“I’ve realized it,” Jiang Yishan mumbled. “I know I was wrong…”

Qin Shaosheng didn’t believe him at all. “Or did you hear from somewhere that I was going back, so now you’re shamelessly here? Are you trying to coax me into helping you pave the way again?”

Jiang Yishen was stunned. “What?”

Qin Shaosheng pushed him. “You  hurry up and leave.”

“You make it clear. You want to go back?” Jiang Yishan pulled Qin Shaosheng. “You want to go back to the Qin family?”

At this moment, Jiang Yishan finally panicked. He finally understood why Qin Shaosheng, a soft-hearted man, was so hard-hearted that he seemed to have become a different person. Things related to the Qin family were the biggest gulf between them.

“I didn’t know anything!” Jiang Yishan gripped Qin Shaosheng’s wrist tightly.. “I admit, I didn’t say anything so I can try to soften your heart! I just thought—I swear, I had no idea you were going back.”

Qin Shaosheng’s eyes were full of distrust.

Jiang Yishan’s whole body was cold. He thought Qin Shaosheng must have misunderstood him. Qin Shaosheng must’ve thought that he had come to make peace because he knew he was going back. 

No, that wasn’t it. 

Although he only thought of his lover because he had nothing else to lose, he also knew what he had done wrong these years. He came only to be with Qin Shaosheng again. There was no other intention.

Jiang Yishan was terrified. “I know I was wrong. Shaosheng, don’t go, please.

“Don’t go?” Qin Shaosheng asked back. “Do you still remember what you said at that time?”

Jiang Yishan’s face was pale.

“Do you really think that you have a dog?” Qin Shaosheng’s words were almost as if they were squeezed out of his teeth. Jiang Yishan watched Qin Shaosheng walk to the bedroom. He couldn’t muster the courage to follow him.

He and Qin Shaosheng first met at a party.

At that time, he had just participated in a talent show and was a little famous. He was good-looking, and at the age of only seventeen or eighteen, he stood on the stage and attracted a lot of people’s attention.

Qin Shaosheng fell in love with him at first sight.

Jiang Yishan wasn’t bent, so he didn’t promise anything at first. But then he couldn’t resist the relentless pursuit of the rich and handsome Qin-shaoye1young master, not to mention that he was quite generous with his money. Jiang Yishan came from an ordinary working-class family. Seeing the vibrant world of the rich, how could he not be moved? His mind became uncertain. Not long after, he rolled in the sheets with Qin Shaosheng.

After the two got together, the Qin family strongly opposed it. It so happened that Jiang Yishan had just gotten an invitation from a brokerage company, so in order to stay with Jiang Yishan, Qin Shaosheng left home and came to City A with him.

After officially entering the entertainment circle, he gradually found that this circle was far darker than he thought. His teenage fame made him very proud of himself and somewhat arrogant, and he ended up offending many people, leading to a lot of black material2Internet slang referring to negative news about a star.

Most of the people in the circle treat others according to their status and relationship with them, so Jiang Yishan’s career development became very bad.

On the contrary, Qin Shaosheng, a wealthy young master, patiently accompanied him through the difficult times. He did not forget to spoil him even when he was too busy to start a company from scratch. 

A friend in need was a friend indeed. It was then that Jiang Yishan really fell in love with Qin Shaosheng. 

Later, he became famous as a guest on a variety show. Just overnight, he truly experienced the feeling of being held up by thousands of people.

His songs were played all over the streets, and for a month, his name was in the top three downloads in the Ringtone Charts. The ensuing fame and money he gained were endless.

Jiang Yishan became reckless. Qin Shaosheng had advised him to keep a low-profile at that time, but he was too impetuous to listen. The temptation of fame and fortune had made it impossible for him to think rationally about anything.

Then someone took a picture of him and Qin Shaosheng kissing.

He had just gotten popular, so how could give up what he had? So he went to find people for favors.

At a bar, he was forced to drink adulterated wine by an investor he had previously offended, and his voice was ruined. 

The investor laughed at him. “Don’t think that holding a rich young master’s thigh3to curry favor, to depend on someone powerful will make everything worry-free. What is the young master without the backing of his family?”

When the brokerage company found out that his voice was damaged, they advised him to either quit or break up with Qin Shaosheng before it was too late. Because Qin Shaosheng was from the Qin family, Jiang Yishan and Qin Shaosheng together would only bring a hundred harms and no benefits.

At that time, Jiang Yishan was blinded by vanity. Between his future and his lover, he chose the former.

But with a few years of affection, how could he break up cleanly? Qin Shaosheng thought that Jiang Yishan was put in a terrible position and had no choice but to do it. He couldn’t be completely indifferent, so he tried his best to save it.

Because of Jiang Yishan’s ruined voice, many singing programs were no longer available to him, and his popularity gradually declined. He could only earn heat4slang for fame by spending money on hype. All his previous savings had been spent on buying photos5I think he’s referring to photos of black material. Photos that could ruin other artists when released to the public., so he could only ask Qin Shaosheng for money.

However, the popularity brought by hype alone didn’t allow him to get many good resources, and he began to be unsatisfied. He went back to the business of buying the black materials of other artists and hired the Water Army6 paid internet ghostwriters to set off the rhythm.

In doing so, he quickly offended someone with a background. Seeing the end of the road, he remembered the words of the investor who had forced him to drink.

Jiang Yishan finally committed the biggest mistake.

He begged Qin Shaosheng, who had broken off relations with his family, to go back and ask his family to lend him some resources to help him.

He trampled on his lover’s pride.

Thinking of this, Jiang Yishan, who was wearing only a thin shirt, shivered from the cold.

Looking at the closed door again, he gnawed his fingers anxiously and recalled what Qin Shaosheng just said, that he was finally disappointed in him. Jiang Yishan felt even colder.

The more ups and downs he had in the circle, the more he regretted not cherishing Qin Shaosheng’s sincerity.

He knew he was wrong. It took him a long time to muster up the courage to make amends, and he came back with hope.

But he was too late. 

Qin Shaosheng was leaving.

Jiang Yishan didn’t feel a thing when he bit his finger. All he could think about was that he couldn’t let Qin Shaosheng go back, because if he did, it would really be over for them.

He wandered aimlessly around the room. After sweeping his eyes over the bathroom, he stared at the shower. He stepped forward and turned it on, and the bone-chilling cold water pouring over him made him shiver.

He had always been despicable and selfish. So long as Qin Shaosheng had the slightest hint of softening, he would use it to death.


**✿❀ translated by Lizonka ❀✿**
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